


Faded

by OreozFox



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Assassination, Blood and Injury, Brainwashing, Implied/Referenced Torture, Prison
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-05
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-05-18 14:59:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14854970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OreozFox/pseuds/OreozFox
Summary: He had entered the mansion unconcious and covered in nobody's blood but his own. He had exited the mansion under watchful, emotionless eyes, his eyes dimmed yet focused on a newfound goal, walking pointedly to match his silver-haired companion's footsteps perfectly."Gon.""Kil?" Gon acknowledged with a dip of his head."Do you... remember anything?""Remember what, Kil?" Gon remembered many things. He remembered how old he was, and he remembered the training that left him bloody and trembling on the stone floor. He remembered his place, somewhere around the butlers or maybe above. Those were clear memories. But he had unclear memories too, like Illu standing over two people he couldn't name, his clawed hands dripping with their blood. And sometimes Gon believed he remembered a time when Kil genuinely smiled.





	1. Do You Remember

  When Gon woke up, he was never sure what time it was. He could look behind him to see if there was light filtering through the thin curtains. But he often didn't. He did not need to know the time.

  When Gon woke up, he always half-expected to feel waves of electricity surging through his body or the slicing lashes of a whip, or agony in some other form. But he never did anymore, because now he knew better.

  When Gon woke up, the room would either be silent as well as damp and cold, or he'd find a pale figure murmuring his name and telling him that he had a mission.

  No matter which it was, he would eventually exit the room if Illu allowed him, which he often did as of late, and he'd be free to roam the mansion and the mountain as he pleased, just never past the gates. 

  When he roamed he'd sometimes run into a Zoldyck sibling. Illu would remind him if any assassinations had been ordered that day. Milluki would pay him no mind. Kallu would never talk to him, but he often watched him pass out of the corner of his eye. Sometimes Gon would come by the dark room illuminated only by security cameras depicting a bright, cheery room. He would walk up to the cameras, hover his hands over the screens but never touch them. And sometimes he'd spot someone sitting in the center of the room, long black hair cascading down their shoulders. "Just something", Illumi described them., "No use in talking to them, they're not human.".

  And sometimes, Gon would cross paths with the Zoldyck heir, with fluffy silver hair and azure eyes. Gon would always feel a pang, like the prick of a thorn, deep inside his if he dared look into those eyes. But that was nothing compared to the pain that flashed in Kil's eyes when they locked gazes. Gon would cock his head in confusion and Kil would jam his hands in his pockets, shake his bangs over his eyes and walk away. And Gon would always fight the urge to call out his name, but he never did.

   There was traces of pain in Canary's eyes when Gon followed a sibling out of the mansion, too, but she always looked away when Gon looked in her direction. They never locked gazes like Gon did with Kil.

  He had entered the mansion unconcious and covered in nobody's blood but his own. He had exited the mansion under watchful, emotionless eyes, his eyes dimmed yet focused on a newfound goal, walking pointedly to match his companion's footsteps perfectly.

  On missions, he could keep up with the siblings almost perfectly. Often he would have to stand in a doorway or sit in a window or perch on a balcony as the assasin struck the final blow, watching and observing with eyes that never changed expression. But he'd always be there if his companion was cornered, and he'd have to fight. Gon had to be prepared to throw himself between his superior and anything- bullets, blades, Nen....

  One day, as Kil stood over the corpse of his latest victim, blood soaking his hands and staining his shirt, Gon slipped out of the tree he had hidden in and Kil asked him the strangest question.

  "Gon."

  "Kil?" Gon acknowledged with a dip of his head.

  "Do you... remember anything?"

  "Remember what, Kil?" Gon remembered many things. He remembered how old he was, and he remembered the training that left him bloody and trembling on the stone floor. He remembered his place, somewhere around the butlers or maybe above. Those were clear memories. But he had unclear memories too, like Illu standing over two people he couldn't name, his clawed hands dripping with their blood. And sometimes Gon believed he remembered a time when Kil genuinely smiled.

  Kil shook his head. "Nevermind. Just forget it. We should be heading back."

  Gon didn't understand, but knew better than to object. "Yes, Kil."


	2. His Presence

  Gon crept through the crisscrossing, bony branches like a predator on the prowl. His emotionless amber eyes gave off a faint glow in the darkness, two summer moons still visible through the mist as they darted around, fixed on the youngest Zoldyck child going in for the kill. He didn't look away when Kallu caught his prey, killing him by plunging his knife-sharp nails into their chest. As all grew quiet, Gon leapt to the ground, going to meet his superior.

  "Was that the last of them?" Gon whispered.

  "Yes, we're finished here." Kallu replied before taking off into the darkness without another word. Gon followed immediately, matching Kallu's every stride.

  "Kallu," Gon murmured, "there's something I wanted to talk to you about.'

  "I don't often 'talk', Gon." Kallu replied simply, continuing to stare ahead. "You had best find someone else for that."

  Gon hummed, deciding not to press.  _Kallu was always so quiet... Or was he...? It's so hard to remember anything from before my training..._ All Gon knew was that during the training, he'd remembered almost his entire life up to that point. But after he grew used to the agony and exhaustion he went through on a daily basis, all of that was lost to make room for everything Illu beat into his brain.

  Kalluto, on the other hand, remembered what it was like before Gon was dragged into the mansion, his ridiculous green jacket ripped open and a crimson mass of blood spreading across his chest and spilling onto the floor. And Kalluto had never truly gotten used to his presence. He  _still_ got in the way of everything that was supposed to improve after  _they_ were locked away. But Kil still showed no enthusiasm, neither in his profession nor in whatever relationship he had with his  _human_ siblings. It was like Gon's presence had transformed what little emotion Kil was supposed to show into neverending, crippling sadness.

  And yet Kalluto had never seen Kil show such emotion as when he'd pounded on the tightly locked door until his fists bled, screaming for Illu to stop over the screams coming from inside. He'd done that for hours until the screaming ceased on the other side of the door. After that, Kil had caved in on himself, sinking to his knees and not responding even when Illu opened the door to slip past him.

  There was one time during the year that Gon was locked up that Kil rushed to the door, desperately calling Gon's name. And Gon had answered, his voice trembling and weak. Gon's name and "I'm so sorry" were the only words Killua were able to get out. He repeated them as tears slipped down his face. But Illu had cut their reunion short when he'd returned, and that was the last time Gon and Kil had spoken before Gon became a whole different person. And when that had happened, Kil had simply stared into Gon's dimmed eyes with his own filled with horror. "Gon," he'd choked out, and Gon had simply stared back, no recognition in his gaze. After Gon left with Illu for his first mission, Kil had shut himself in his room and sobbed. After that, Kalluto never saw Kil show any emotion aside from the anguish he was drowning him.

  No, Kalluto never approved of Gon's presence. He found it ridiculous how Kil obsessed over this brainwashed meat shield of a boy when Gon barely even knew him anymore. And despite all of Gon's grueling training, Kalluto could still end his life quickly and easily. But he knew that would do more harm than good. 

  And in the back of his mind, Kallu hoped Gon would vanish, go out on a stroll around the mountain and never return or never climb down to meet him when a mission was done. Then maybe everything could go back to normal.

  


	3. For Once Hopeful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *casually walks in to update after a month... maybe two*

  Killua sat on the concrete wall, watching the dark water below lapping below his feet. Occasionally, he cast a glance at his raven-haired companion, who stood behind him, his emotionless stare looking past anything Killua could see. And at times his eyes trailed to the bandage wrapped tightly around the upper part of Gon's arm, just below the shoulder.

  As he went to turn around again, Gon's gaze caught his. Killua wanted to turn around again and ignore him, but instead he sighed and spoke. "You didn't have to do that back there."

  "Forgive me, Kil." Gon replied in his usual distant tone. "They were coming from a certain angle, and I was afraid you couldn't see them. I was trying to keep you from harm, but now I see I was foolish to do so, as you had it under control. I'll have faith in you from now on."

  Killua turned back around, closing his eyes. He hadn't wanted an answer like that. He wasn't exactly sure what answer he  _had_ wanted, but he knew it wasn't the robotic, empty one he recieved.

   But that's all the last year had been. Robotic and empty.

   "Alright, well, I we should head back." Killua said, sliding off the wall. As he turned to Gon, he arched an eyebrow. "What are you doing?"

   Gon opened his eyes. "Sorry, Kil. I just felt like I'd been here before. But we probably should go. There's a storm coming."

   Killua knew a storm was of little hindrance to them, but he was still curious. "How do you know that? The sky's clear."

  "The air's more humid now, and the seagulls are calling out warnings to each other."

  "I didn't know you could sense all that."

   Gon blinked. "I didn't, either."

   Killua could feel a sort of brightening inside him. Was Gon remembering something? He opened his mouth, but quickly shut it. He didn't want to be disappointed. "Huh." he said dumbly, before motioning for Gon to follow, which Gon did without hesitation.

  The invisible weight in Killua's chest felt lighter as he thought that maybe, in the depths of Gon's reworked mind, he remembered something, anything, from his life before.

  In his for once hopeful state of mind, Killua almost didn't see the well-dressed man drop his briefcase in shock. He might've ignored him if he hadn't heard the shaky, familiar voice that followed.

   "Gon...?"


	4. Puppet

  Killua whirled, his eyes filling with recognition. Gon whirled as well, stepping in front of Killua, ready to kill the newcomer if Killua directed him to.

 

  Standing before them, with wide eyes looking through glasses so ridiculously small they could only belong to one person. 

 

  Reolio, wasn't it?

 

   "Gon..." The man whispered. "You're alive?"

 

  Gon tensed at the sound of his name being used by a supposed stranger. "Who are you?"

 

  "It's Leorio! Your friend from the Hunter Exam!"

 

  "I don't have friends." Gon replied simply. 

 

  "But... you remember the Hunter Exam, don't you? You were with Killua, and Kurapika, and me!" 

 

  "No, I don't  _have_ friends any more! They died a long time ago!" Gon hissed, getting impatient. "Whoever you are, you've got me confused with someone else."

 

  "Killua, tell me he's joking." Leorio pleaded, looking over Gon's shoulder at him. "D-Don't you remember me? After you left, we came to rescue you... and we thought your brother killed Gon, but-"

  

  "Don't talk to him!" Gon snapped, his fingers twitching. "You're just a Bounty Hunter looking to capture us, but I won't let you have him."

 

  "Gon, wait-"

 

  Razor-sharp claws sprouted from Gon's fingernails as he lunged, giving Leorio no time to duck before he-

  

  And just as suddenly, Gon was knocked to the side, landing hard on the pavement. As he regained his breath, he sat up to see Killua standing over him, shaking with rage.

 

  "K-Kil, what-"

 

  "What is  _wrong with you_?!" Killua snarled, his eyes blazing.

 

 "But, he was-"

 

"I might as well give up. You're not Gon, not anymore. You're just a puppet with no feelings, aren't you?!" He turned away, not wanting to see the nothingness in Gon's eyes. "We're going home.  _Now._ " He cast a sideways glance at Leorio, who was looking on in horror. "What are  _you_ looking at?!" And with that, he stalked off, honestly not caring if Gon's footsteps followed his. Why did he even hope Gon would go back to normal? He was just too far gone. He had been all this time.  _I was just too stupid to face it._

_Gon's never coming back._

 

  

   


	5. Hate

  Four days had passed since Canary had seen Gon and Master Killua together. Gon had left the mansion with Illumi and Kalluto a couple of times, but Master Killua traveled alone. Could Master Killua, after all this time, no longer bear to gaze into Gon's empty stare, knowing the brightness would never again return to it? Canary herself had been unable to bear it from the beginning, always looking at the ground if Gon looked at her. Still, pained her to see that the invisible the tether that Gon and Master Killua were for each other may have finally been cut.

  "Miss Canary?"

  Canary jumped, even though she recognized the distant tone of voice.

  "Can I ask you something?"

  Canary hummed, not turning around.

  "I did something wrong... I didn't mean to. And now..." He didn't continue, but instead got straight to the point. "Do you hate me, Miss Canary?"

  "...No." Canary whispered, gripping her staff. "And I'm sure Master Killua doesn't either." 

  "I hope not." Gon said just as softly, before turning to walk away. "Thanks, Miss Canary."

 

  It was two weeks before Killua let Gon join him on missions again. It was like usual, but different in a way. They still shadowed the target, disposed of him, and headed home. As they ran, they even talked. But Killua never turned to look at him.

  "Kil, do I make you sad?"

  "Huh?"

  "Do I make you sad?"

  "Everything about this makes me sad. It makes me  _sick._ " Killua hissed.

  "Then why don't you leave?"

  "Ha!" Killua smirked humorlessly. "It's easier said than done. Still, I'd do it, but I can't. I only stay because of you."

  "But I thought you hated me."

  Killua nearly tripped. " _What?!_ "

  "You hate me, don't you, Kil?" Gon asked, his tone as close to sad as it could get.

  Killua's feet slowed until he stopped completely. Gon stopped behind him. "G-Gon... no. Not you. Never you. I hate  _them_ for what they did to you..."

  Gon fell silent. "Kil. I... I wish I could understand what you mean."

  At last, sad blue eyes met the faded ones that had been taught to show no sadness. "That's why." He looked up at the clear blue sky, feeling the wind tousle his silver hair. "It was a lot different before this."

   "I'd like to hear about it, Kil." Gon said, stepping forward to stand beside Killua.

   "We raced through that tunnel. The loser had to buy the winner lunch, but it was a tie. A-And we had pillow fights in that tower... You weren't scared of me. You took me seriously. You-"

   "K-Kil..."

   Killua stopped as he heard Gon's pained voice. He turned to see Gon cringing with a hand pressed to his forehead.

  "K-Kil, I..."

  "Hey... Gon, are you alright?"

  "Kil... Killu- ack!" He winced, clutching his head with both hands. 

   Killua put a hand on Gon's back. "Gon, what is it?"

   "It's nothing, Kil, just a headache."

   "When did it start?"

   "Just a moment ago... but d-don't worry about me, we should-"

   Killua cut him off as he seized Gon's shoulders and wrestled him to the ground.

   Gon's eyes fluttered open. "K-Kil, what is it?! Are we-"

   Gon was cut off again as Killua's clawed fingers plunged into his forehead.

  

 


	6. Removal

  Gon and Killua spent too much time together, this Illumi knew. At first he'd thought seeing Gon the way he was would discourage Killua from making friends. If that didn't work, at least Gon's presence would tether Killua to the mansion, his home. 

 Nonetheless, Illumi knew it wouldn't last. He knew that Gon would eventually die. Frustration or pity would send Killua's claws plunging into Gon's heart, and the ordeal would be over. And when an unfamiliar sound caught his attention, he thought his prediction was correct.

* * *

 

  "K-Kil!" Gon managed, an uncharacteristic crack in his voice.

  Killua swore as he struggled to keep Gon's back pressed against the ground with one hand while digging at Gon's forehead with the other. Illumi was coming.  _I have to make this quick._

At last, his fingers closed around something that felt like a small bead. His suspicions had been correct. Trying to keep a tight grip on the object, though it was slick with Gon's blood, Killua ripped it out with a single motion, falling backwards in the process. 

  As Gon remained on his back, dazed and bleeding, Killua shakily held up his hand to look at the object he'd retrieved. Sure enough, it was a small needle, plain as day.

  There was silence, but Killua knew that Illumi was closing in. He jumped up quickly, pulling Gon up by his arm. "Come on, Gon, we have to hurry."

  Gon opened his mouth as if to say something, but no sound came. Instead, he obeyed, nodding weakly as they began to run.

* * *

  As Gon and Killua fled, Gon suddenly realized it was raining. As they kicked up water droplets, Gon tried again and again to form words in his mouth. He felt different, but no words could describe it. He didn't know what to say, so he called Kil's name. "K-Kil!" There was something else. "K-Kil, Kil- Killua!!"

  With that name, everything came flooding back at once, as natural as a breath. His ears rang with every memory, like how he first met Killua, something he could hardly grasp until now. His other friends, too, the ones that had been struck down at the hands of Illumi. And the torture Illumi put him through, every agonizing cut and blow...

  And Leorio. Leorio was alive! He was alive and Gon had tried to kill him. Was... was Kurapika alive?

  The ringing was deafening now. It was too much at once, yet it came on suddenly, overlapping with the panic of Gon's current situation or the blood streaming down his face Too much, too fast, too loud...

* * *

  Killua nearly tripped as Gon made a sound, halfway between a sob and a gasp for air, and was nearly pulled to the ground as Gon passed out.

 

 

 


	7. First Morning

  It was Killua's first morning of freedom, and Gon's, too. Gon had spent his first morning in a dead faint, with a bloody spot on his forehead. Killua was marked in much the same way; when Gon had fallen Killua had froze, but out of desperation he tore the controlling needle from his forehead. After that, he ran, through the muck and darkness until he reached the gates...

  Now Killua waited, huddled against a graffiti-covered brick wall, waiting until the moment when he had to run again.

  Gon... What would he do when he woke from his slumber? How would Gon react when the flow of newly-regained memories inundated his brain? And... where would they go from here? How would Gon's friends and family see him now? He had nearly killed Leorio just last week, after all.

  Despite the many unanswered questions Killua had, he knew one thing for sure. Things would never go back to the way they were, for better or worse.

* * *

    When Gon's eyes fluttered open, the morning light was blocked from his vision by Killua's form hunched protectively over him. And for a single moment, despite his sleepy confusion, Gon felt safe.

  But with the next moment, Gon remembered.

  And it felt like a bolt of lightning was surging down his spine, and cold water was rushing into his lungs. Killua jolted as Gon hoarsely cried out. 

* * *

  "Kurapika! Are you there?!"

   Kurapika tensed slightly at the volume of Leorio's voice. "Yes, I am. What's going on? Isn't it late where you are?"

  "That doesn't matter. I've been trying to get a hold of you for days!"

  "Well, I am here now." Kurapika said, dismissing Leorio's annoyance. "Now, what's wrong?"

  "Kurapika..." Leorio's voice shook, trembling with each word. "I... I saw Gon last week. He's... H-He's really alive!"


End file.
